mindset reflection week 2 round 4. Perfection

The past couple of weeks things have been popping up in my life with the p word. Perfect. People either telling me that I like being perfect, me not liking when I cant be perfect etc. SO ive decided to address that this week. Perfect isn’t a word I necessarily like. I dont think there is a perfect body, or a perfect way to live, or a perfect way to follow things, but in saying that I do not like when I cant do things perfectly. For example, last week I just couldn’t get a movement right, and couldn’t lift what I wanted too and that did my head it. So here I am sitting here trying to figure out what I really feel about that P word here are my thoughts. I think within the fitness world or the training world there is such a thing as perfect. Perfect form, perfect choreography, perfect technique that should always be followed and further developed or something you always aim for. But I think that there is not a perfect weight that everyone should lift for every exercise, there cant be, we all have different strengths, different levels of fitness and strength and experience of training, and this is why we shouldn’t compare. There is no perfect weight we should lift, so if others can lift heavier then us then that’s ok, we are still developing our technique and we are still developing the strength (mentally and physically) to increase the weights we lift. For two rounds I battled with getting my head around the bench press. It was frustrating me so much, I couldn’t increase the weight, I couldn’t get my head around the technique and I was so ready to just give up. But 2 weeks ago I had my pt dancing around the gym as something clicked and the technique was there, the strength was there. It was one of the best feelings. It frustrates me when my technique is off, it drives me nuts, because as my members in my classes tell me im a technique freak. That’s the one place I want to be perfect and I get so frustrated when I cant. Half the time I cant feel the issues either which frustrates me even more. I am sure I give my pt evil glares all the time when she picks something up, and its not angry at her, its total frustrated at myself. It is also very frustrating when class technique is different to lifting technique. DOES MY HEAD IN. but this is also where I have seen the greatest strength and fitness gains. Ok I have gotten off track havnt i? Yes I like being perfect in the gym. But with that want for perfection in the gym, also comes the high expectations I set myself, sometimes too high, which then as always nearly follows with a break down, or disappointment when I don’t reach those expectations. There have been many of those, too many infact, yet I wouldn’t change that part of me. Why? Because the need for perfection and the high expectations allow me to achive and continue to achieve what I do. I don’t compromise technique for anything. Not in challenges, not in classes, and not with the members that do my classes. I know that having good technique not only keeps our body safe and injury free, but will also allow my body to get the best results. It was hard when loosing weight, wanting to aim for the ‘perfect’ bodies, but I fast realised that there was no such thing as perfect, just the best version of me, that was going to be ever changing. I don’t think there is a perfect weight, or body shape or clothing size, or measurements not in general and not individually. My body is always changing based on my goals, and I don’t think ill ever reach a place where I say and think, yes this is perfect. There will always be something I am trying to improve, or change, and as my training vchanges, and goals change that will change also. In terms of percfection the past weeks ive had many comments from people along the lines of but you’ve been doing this so long now, shouldn’t you find it easy to be perfect with food and exercise and everything else? I am human, yes ive been doing it for a long time, and yes I have come a long way, and everything else. But I am still human and I am a long way from perfect. I have bad days, I get stressed and emotional and I want to eat and binge. The alarm goes off and I don’t always want to get up. I see results on the scales I don’t necessarily want to see, or clothes stop fitting that I love, or I just get stuck in my head and feel like nothing is working. Food is always going to be my struggle. I like to eat, I love food, and yes I eat when im emotional. SO im always going to struggle with food. Im never going to be perfect at this. It will always be a struggle, and It will always be something I will need to work on in terms of food. But I know that and that’s ok. And the mental battle, yup that will always be there too. Ive said it before im a thinker and a feeler, that will always be there too as it is who I am. That’s half of why I write these blogs. Gets things out of my head. But also allows me to figure things out. Does that even make sense? So I guess the short version of all that is, and what ive figured out is. 1. I think there is perfection in the gym with technique and its what I strive for every session 2. It drives me nuts when I cant lift what I want to, or what I think I should be able to do, and when im not getting technique right 3. I like being organised with work and gym and life 4. I don’t think there is a perfect body or a perfect way to live life or to even follow the program as life happens and can throw you off, as long as you get back on track that’s what matters in the end. You don’t fail if your not perfect. 5. Im not perfect and I still have lots to learn, mind, body, training, nutrition, life Hopefully some of this made sense. Love lisa

round 4, week 1. the mindset journey continues. The weekend where I learnt more about myself and i realised i am not willing to compromise who i am

Hey all So in the spirit of continuing my mindset development I have decided to write a blog every week. This purpose? Me processing things, the ups the downs, the good, the bad, the uglies. I know that I do better when I am open and honest with myself and others so that is what this is about. week 1 was actually a big week for me, I got back from finale, knowing I had a huge list of work to complete, I launched a brand new program into the main gym I teach at (proud moment there!) so I was trying to learn choreography, I was processing my rather silly emotions from finale, was seeing to an small injury from the fitness challenge and I was getting ready for another challenge party so the challenge, was one that I did last round, for me all it meant was a different super Saturday, which consisted of what they called a WOW, a workout of the week. This wow was either doing exercises as fast as you could similar to the fitness challenge at finale or measuring how heavy you could lift for certain exercises and reps/sets. This challenge did my head in, because there was a leader board, and the old comparison monster came out. Many of the wows broke me, one completely broke me, but I chose to do it again later that week. why? Because I don’t like being broken, so again I did it and cut 7.5 minutes off my time. :) SO this is what the dinner was for on Saturday night. I am really proud of myself with those wows for 4 reasons. 1. I did every single wow, no excuses, no quitting. 2. I completed every wow with good technique (unlike some people unfortunately) and didn’t vary any of the exercises. 3. I completed every wow with integrity. 4. I did my personal best every week. In the end I came 16th out of the female staff in Victoria I had wanted to finish a little further up the leader board, but I know I had nothing else to give so I have to be proud of myself. Yes the comparison monsters still come out to try and eat me, especially on Saturday night, but I fought my way through them. I did everything I could and gave it everything I had, and that means I succeeded. SO in the lead up to the weekend I got another spray tan, and when I’m brown for some reason I feel comfortable in shorts, or skorts. SO I put on my skort and headed to the gym. I spent the whole hour I was working out, picking myself apart in the mirror. Your hips are too big, look at those flabby legs; you have no right to put on that skort, blah blah blah. The negative self-talk continued the whole workout, and all night. I was exhausted Saturday morning, but had a day ahead of me to get ready for the dinner. I pushed those negative thoughts down all day, till I got to the dinner. But then seeing scores and results being put up on the big screen the little monster in my head started eating away at me again. I reminded myself of the points I told you earlier. That I did and do everything with integrity, and honesty no matter what, and I know I always give things my absolute best. But that wasn’t all that came out at the dinner. What a lot of people may not know about me is I’m shy, quiet, get stuck in my own thoughts sometimes, don’t drink, and am very self-conscious in crowds, wary in crowds of people that are drinking and don’t really dance unless I’m dragged into it (lately by my partner Gary  ). So here I am at the dinner, thinking about all the things I wasn’t compared to others, and watching all the friends I had there drinking, having fun, dancing silly, being silly, and as I was thinking I realised so much about myself (there is a point I promise ). I tried to dance but it felt wrong, I didn’t want to drink, I was emotional but chose not to push it away, because my emotions are me. I remembered back to my first few 12wbt parties, and It took me so many rounds to feel comfortable, to remove myself off the wall to not be that wall flower, to talk to people etc. Those parties are now a place I feel comfortable, as I’ve said before they are home, its family. But this one, no comfortable I wasn’t, self-conscious and nervous yes I was, and you know what, that’s ok. That’s what I realised Saturday night. I realised that whatever I felt, whatever I did, and it was ok as long as I was being true to me. I realised that it was ok not to drink or dance if I didn’t want to, I realised that it was ok to sit out the front in the window overlooking the city and thinking by myself to get a breather from others if I wanted or needed too, I realised that it was ok to be me and it was that moment of raw honesty that I recognised who I was in that situation and to be happy within the person I was choosing to be. Boring maybe, but me Yesterday as I was processing all the things from the night before I decided to clean out my clothes, and when I say clean out my clothes I mean it. I have everything from size 16 to size 8. Some I have never worn, but hoped to get into, some that I did fit into but now don’t fit as my muscles have grown, some that I did wear but I’ve kept in case I needed them. Well no more, as Lou has said before, be gone those clothes that aren’t made for our awesomeness. 4 garbage bags later I am done, and now I’ve started I just want to clean out everything. So that’s my job over the next weeks. When I have spare time. Whens that?? So overall last week was a good week I think. Yes lots of thinking, and feeling, but in those moments of thinking and feeling there were also a lot of realisations about who I am, as a person, as an instructor, as a teacher as everything that I am. So that means all the emotions and thoughts are worth it, Because now I know who I am and I know more than anything that I am not willing to compromise that. Week 1 of round 4 off to a good start in the mindset department, and exercise. Food still can be improved, but one step at a time gets me closer and closer to my goals.